New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
