redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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