I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
