he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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