he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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