Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
