The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
