This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
