Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
