I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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