Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
