I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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