how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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