i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think your dad took our porno
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
