Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
