yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
