a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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