I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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