i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
ok first of all what the fuck
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
