Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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