you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
