I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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