i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
