We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
