It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
