im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
