just come out here and I will go home with you...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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