Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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