Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
