It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
