I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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