i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
you never un-have a 4some
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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