I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
