i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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