Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
