Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
