i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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