You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
