I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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