Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize