Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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