DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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