It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Randomize
