My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
oh god the rape fog is back!
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
