I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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