One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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