i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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