everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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