I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
