my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
