Can i not drive my cunt home
i would punch a child for taco bell
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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