you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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