This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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