I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
