I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
