I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
