watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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