The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
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I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
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had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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