I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
