Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
