i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
