the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
