the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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