you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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