Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She's the barista slut.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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