i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
