my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
