I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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