we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
