He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
