Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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