also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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