is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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