I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
